how are you, really?

We put up many walls to keep our genuine emotions from coming out. These walls come in the form of work, social media, television, or anything that takes up the capacity of time each day. We're burying our minds further and further into this sort of, crowded space than ever before. "Busy" has become the badge honor as Jenna Kutcher likes to put it. We criticize others and ourselves equally on how busy we are. Our work satisfaction comes in the form of "how long did I work today?" or "how busy was I today?" So, instead of burying my emotions deep beneath the things that take up my day this is my time to share how I am doing, really.

Maybe some of you can relate, but I feel more overwhelmed now than ever before. On paper, I have a good job, a place of refuge in my home, a small group of authentic friends, food, water, hobbies, you name it. My life is not bad, but I'm not okay. I've had to ask myself the question "Do I actually enjoy my life?" and quite frankly that is a loaded question however that doesn't change the fact that my immediate answer is no, at least not currently. I believe this is the fastest paced time of life that we've ever had, and it's only going to continue to speed up. I do my best to respect each person's individual beliefs or views on what's going to happen next, and regardless of what you believe in I think the perspective of "what's going to happen next?" is a problem. Have you taken a chance, a moment actually, to look at who you are, where you're at, where you were, and how much you've grown? It's been a long time for me, and I attribute that to constantly looking forward, always trying to work for tomorrow, yet to never enjoy today. In a weird analogy that's sort of how we see our days off, finally a day or two to not worry about tomorrow but actually enjoy today, and why is that? No obligation of sleep even though most of us still aren't going to bed at crazy times. No obligation of a schedule even though most of us want to enjoy our days off as much as possible which typically comes with some sort of schedule, right? There's no reason why I can't find inner peace with myself seven days a week rather than one or two.

I feel this immense pressure of time. If I have a project at work, I'm busting my ass to get that project done as efficiently as possible because of time. On my days off I hate sleeping in because I feel this loss of time. When I'm out enjoying myself on a weekday my stress overcomes my enjoyment because of time. Where is this pressure stemming from? Is it me saying "yes" all the time? I understand that I'm in control of my life. I'm not looking for pity in any way, but maybe some type of escape? At the end of the day life is not always going to invite you to show up. Give some slack to those who cancel on you last minute, change plans randomly, quit on you, or even never answer your phone calls. They may be in a place of not being okay, and needing to figure out how they actually feel without the pressures of another voice or presence. One of the most overused statements of all time is "I understand" but the greatest lesson that I've ever learned is that I'll only ever understand one person in this life, and that's me. No matter how similar the circumstances are, or if you've gone through the same situation as someone else, we'll never understand the way they feel. What you can do.. is listen, don't just hear someone and have an agenda beforehand on how you're going to respond, but listen to what they are experiencing, the pain or impact that any particular circumstance is having on their life, and appreciate them for trusting you enough to share their vulnerable emotions with you.

I want to live a life that feels better than it looks, not the other way around.

sc.