learn to unlearn.
Learn, unlearn, relearn.
What a simple process with a difficult execution. We're constantly learning new things, in the work field, school, with families, friends, hobbies, etc. How often are we unlearning though? Are we giving ourselves a chance to relearn? This is hard for me. Though, I could never put myself in the shoes of those who grow up without a family or a home, I have so much respect for the way those people choose growth in their life. My growth as a child, as well as most of us, came from the rules that were in my home, the beliefs from my parents, my siblings, the decisions my friends made, and the habits I created from the environment I was in. In a sense, we conform as children because we don't have enough confidence or knowledge of what we truly want, we only have the knowledge of what's been shown to us. So, I reflected. 2019 was a year of unlearning and attempting to relearn. It was such a great year externally yet a difficult one internally. For the first time in a long time I had time to figure myself out for me and not for anyone else. I broke borders that I had built as a child, tried new things, met new people, traveled to more places than I ever could have imagined, got heart broken, developed empowerment, trusted my gut, stood tall for myself, did my best to stop making excuses for my failures, opened my mind, started working on old hobbies, and ultimately started unlearning things from my past that I didn't want in my life anymore.
religion.
I'm not going to bore you with this. I now understand that the only religion I could ever cling to would be one centered around empathy, connection, and kindness with one another. Ultimately, I don't know what I believe in anymore, I don't know if there's a god, I still pray with the hope that there is, and I'm not looking to be proven one way or another. I respect those who have that belief and those who don't because in the end my opinion should never take someone away from what they do or don't believe to be true. Your energy is important, please use it on you, not on the judgement of others who don't agree with you.
success.
For the longest time I revolved the thought of success around money. That's what we see right? Success to me is joy, your joy, not the joy of someone else. As Will Smith puts it, we all have separate lives and most of us choose to share our separate life with the separate life of someone else. It's never our responsibility to fill someone else's empty cup but rather it's a beauty to share your joy with someone as they share theirs with you. This doesn't mean we can't find joy by being happy for others, it's quite opposite actually. If we learn who we are individually and understand ourselves to the point where we don't feel like we have to conform to other people we tend to express our happiness for others more genuinely than we would otherwise. Judgement and envy creep in when other people are where we'd "like" to be yet we're exactly where we need to be whether we're satisfied with it or not, this is what we can control right now.
right and wrong.
Have you ever heard of the science of why or the golden circle? If not, I highly recommend looking up "Start With Why" by Simon Sinek. Essentially, there's three layers of decision making; what, how, and why. Most of us unintentionally start with what, then potentially move to how, and possibly use why in our decision making process. Simon teaches the beauty behind figuring out your why and moving backwards going with why, how, and then what. As a child I never thought of why. If my mom told me to do something, I did it. As I grew older a slow transition of curiosity crept in and I started questioning some of the things I was asked to do with the simple question of "why?" I would often get the quick response of "because I said so" and that seemed to be the extent of my curiosity. Right and wrong are taught from the opinions of others and adapted into our lives because we trust those people that say so. If you trust your parents and they say that it's wrong to eat apples and you don't question it as a child then you grow up with the thought that it's wrong to eat apples. This is innocent yet on a larger scale this is how right and wrong is shaped in our lives. This past year I decided to reflect on the things that were taught to me as wrong and figure out the "why" behind them which has ultimately lead me to unlearn the sense of wrong from many of those things. I have more gratitude for my personal understanding of things than I've ever had. Though we will always differ in opinions, take pride in what YOU learn to be right for YOU.
Unlearning and reflecting on what you need in and out of your life is just as important as continuing to learn new things. Always keep moving.
SC