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blurred clarity.


Somehow you already know what you want to become.

We take ourselves for granted. What we feel, what we think, what we fear; we don’t give ourselves enough credit for knowing what we truly want. We give others credit, we seek the validation to our own emotions when we already know what we’re feeling yet we want someone else to agree with us in order to feel like what we’re feeling or thinking is “right.” We tend to put so much energy into the future rather than the present. “If I reach out now, what MIGHT happen afterwards.” Why is it difficult to simply act on thoughts and feelings for what’s happening NOW and forget about what might happen afterwards? If you miss someone, reach out to them. If you hate your occupation, find a different one. If you feel the urge to share your opinion on something, share it. We worry too much about the negative consequences and forget about the positive ones. There’s a sense of empowerment that we feel, even a simple smile that comes over us when we act on what we’re feeling without worrying about the approval from other people. Trust me, this is a huge weakness for me. I love making people happy, and I worry quite a bit about making decisions that will eventually push people out of my life. There have been, currently are, and will be many things that are right for me in my life that won’t be right for others around me, even the people who are close to me. So how do we balance conforming to others and compromising with them?

Only you know the quickest way to understand yourself. Look it up, you won’t find a list of “10 steps to understand who you are” or anything similar, it just doesn’t exist, at least not for you individually. I’ve realized that the quickest way to understand who I truly am is to trust myself. It sounds a lot easier than it really is. I hold a lot of things back for the sake of other people or because of my own fear of what will happen or what I might lose, but when I act on my emotions for myself and give myself the respect I deserve I start to feel empowered, confident, and comfortable with who I am, and that blurred picture starts to become a bit more clear. It’s a first step for so many other aspects of life. I don’t believe that you can truly love other people until you love yourself. Learn how to love on your own, learn how to fill your days on your own, learn how to develop a drive on your own. It’s then that you’ll be able to have a full experience with someone else, not a partial one filled with hesitation and insecurity.

“Don’t wanna look back, thinking I could have done this or I could have tried that.” - Sasha Sloan. Isn’t this just the scariest, most common thought for all of us? Why don’t people do more of what they actually want to do? I think we’re engulfed with what’s around us, a bunch of people going to college, working 9-5, making okay money, starting families at a young age, etc… These things aren’t the “wrong” way of living life in anyway, yet I don’t blame anyone scared to trust their gut feeling and stray away from the well worn path because there aren’t many people doing it to show them that it’s going to be OKAY. I feel invigorated when I see people doing what they truly want to do. Isn’t it weird that you can tell the difference? We all want to be a part of something more, especially this generation that we’re a part of, we just need to see that it’s possible. I’m not there yet, but I feel like I’m on the right track. I don’t want to follow what society deems the “correct” path for a 23 year old, I want to create my own and be confident with it regardless of how abnormal it may seem to other people, at that point I’ll at least know that it’s mine.

Everyone needs some words of affirmation, a little boost knowing that they're doing okay. Try and provide that for yourself, look at yourself and realize where you've come from and not only where you're going but what you've personally been through that only you can truly understand. We get caught up in this comparison game that we tend to forget the strides that we're making as human beings to be better and that's not something to take lightly. There are always going to be people who disagree with your choices, who judge, or who are envious of certain aspects of your decisions yet we should all feel empowered to develop happiness from ourselves so that we can in turn, share that with others.

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