2 am.

This is all we have.

I've been thinking about this for awhile now. Everything I'm experiencing and not experiencing, the relationships, the friendships, the stupid decisions, the risks that either work or not, the spontaneous choices, the late nights that lead into early mornings, the mental breakdowns, joy, my self perception, literally EVERYTHING is happening now and this is it. So this means we have two ways of going about things. We either react negatively; overthink each situation, the past the present and the future, assume the outcome, and create expectations that may never be met. Or, we react positively; we think less and do more, we act in the "now" because that's all we control, and we take each experience without expectation to avoid assumption or overthinking. You know what's funny about this? It's the same comparison with so many things that we experience every day. Why is the burger always cheaper than the salad? Why is texting more appealing than actual human interaction? Why do we snack on chips over fruit? The same principle applies to why we often decide to react more on the "negative" side rather than the "positive" side and that's because we're human. We like the positive reaction in theory, but are tempted by the convenience of the negative reaction in reality. Do I overthink? Absolutely. Should I? No. Is it that simple? Yeah, it actually is. Should I order a burger or a salad? We've decided that 3 extra dollars isn't worth our health which creates habits, which creates mindset, and before you know it, boom there's your lifestyle.

Effort.

It takes a bit of effort for something to have a long lasting effect on your life rather than temporary gratification. Do chips fill you up or do you eat 80% of the bag before you realize that you aren't stopping? I'm sure that once you decide to take 30 minutes to make a home cooked meal that you'll sitting pretty full afterwards (with leftovers). With effort comes courage. I've gotten caught up in pushing and pushing for something simply because I didn't want to give up. It takes courage to act against your natural desire to keep going, to keep grinding, for the chance to enhance your enjoyment of life. That's a DIFFICULT thing, and I hope you understand what I mean by that whether it's in work or with relationships or education. I think I have this false mindset that if I go all in on something that it's going to work out one way or another, when in reality some things just don't work out. I look up to anyone and everyone who go through experiences and have the courage to stop what they're doing, change paths, take a step back, and get themselves on a different track, the right track for them.

People say "life is meant to be enjoyed" and I think that's a great statement, but I think a more accurate statement would be "life is meant to be what you want it to be." If you want to be free spirited then life should be about that. If you want to work hard and play less then life should be about that. If you want to travel the world then life should be about that. I think we forget from time to time (at least I do) that we're in control of our own lives. "You're 100% accountable for 100% of the things that happen in your life." -Alden Robinson. If we want joy, we shouldn't depend on anyone besides ourselves to make that happen. We get caught up in gaining attention from other people to fill the void of insecurity in our lives as if that's going to make us happy, but that's just like eating chips, it's temporary gratification. If you learn how to make yourself happy first, without the necessity of someone else or someone else's opinion or attention then we're really getting somewhere (this is what I'm working on). Figure out what you want first, go after it, take any chance you can to obtain that and I believe that the rest will fall in place. You can't go from A to C without going through B, so don't try to give someone else what you haven't already given yourself. Take a chance on you.

We create our own luck.

These are my 2 AM thoughts.