other people.
Imagine you're waiting in line at In n Out and you're incredibly hungry, mainly because you just got done with a long day at work and you forgot your lunch and the vending machine at work was broken and there was a lot of construction so you didn't want to get food during lunch BUT now you're off work and ready to eat! The longer you wait the more impatient you get, we all do. Now, you're second in line but the family in front of you has 5 kids and they weren't able to make up their minds while they were waiting in line so now they're taking their time to look at the menu and decide what everyone wants. Now, you're a bit agitated, not mad by any means but bugged and a bit antsy. Finally, it's your turn and you make your order within seconds and you're good to go and within a minute you don't think twice about the woman and her 5 children who made you wait a couple minutes longer.
Why did I use this cheesy introduction to begin what I want to write about? Because there's so much to learn about other people. We all live with this weird thought that everything we do, everything we go through, all of our experiences, the good days and the bad days are recognized by the entire world. Take waiting in line for food as an example, all you can think about is the amount of time you've been waiting, but how often do we think about the amount of time the people behind us are waiting or the situations that people are going through such as that mother with her 5 kids? We have his notion of a thought that the universe revolves around us, and I know that's candid and everyone wants to deny it but it's true. We think that because we've had a long day that the rest of the world is going to know about it, but unfortunately they don't, even if we'd like them to. So here's the two things that are on my mind: other people and communication.
other people.
I believe that we react for a reason. Specific remarks may come across accidentally, but your emotion always has a reason. Think of 3 people that mean the world to you. Take 5 minutes with the knowledge that you have about their lives individually and try imagining what their day has been like, who they've talked to, what challenges they've come across, what weakness they're trying to overcome, what type of things have been said to them in a negative way, the build up of stress and responsibility, or what result that could have gone completely opposite of what they wanted. The thoughts and ideas are ENDLESS, but yet we only think of the surface layer things that are happening, "How was school today? How was work? How was the gym? Drive home safe!" We all want to be heard, but how can we expect that when we're closing the door to someone who'd like us to listen?
communication.
Sometime in the early Spring of 2015 I was sitting at a bus stop in Geel, Belgium. It was a busy hour so there were about 50 people waiting to get on the next bus. Just like any other public area, once children start screaming all eyes turn to them, and this was the case at this little bus stop. It would have been easy and quite frankly natural to sit there and look over occasionally and potentially catch yourself staring at this little family that had 2 of the 3 children screaming at each other and I'm guilty to say that that's what I did. Now, why did my colleague have to be bold as hell? He got up and as people starting watching him, he walked towards this family and turned to the mother and said something along the lines of, "Would you like to learn more about how to raise your family?" I WAS FREAKING OUT. Who asks that? My heart was racing like crazy until I saw the look on her face as she told him yes and set up a date for us to stop by. Wait what happened? At first, thinking back on it, I was shocked and even a bit uncomfortable but the more I thought about it the more I realized that no one knew what was going on in that woman's life, only she did, but because my colleague reached out to offer her a listening ear she took it. Communication is one of the top five most important aspects you can have in life. In order to understand what someone's going through you need to talk them about their life. This doesn't mean ask them how their job is going or how school is going but focus on open ended questions that invite a conversation such as; "If you were completely financially secure, where would you be? What would you want to do? What are your passions that drive you every day to make the decisions you make?" As crazy as it is that woman probably would have never opened up about the way she truly felt, but because someone expressed investment in her life at that specific moment, and not theirs, she found trust.
We're all self conscious and insecure in our own ways. We have weaknesses, scars, and most importantly a story to tell. It's so easy to talk, but so unnatural to listen. I need someone to listen, we all do. Dive in deeper, break the surface level, ask people about themselves and not about what they're doing in life. Life is so much more than what we do each and every day, it's about the emotions, the thoughts, the relationships, the strengths and weaknesses we develop over time that make us who we are. Take some time to find someone who's looking.
SC